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[07 Nov 2006|12:01am] |
friends only
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| 365 days later. |
[01 Nov 2006|12:21am] |
i hope no one ever has to go through what a lot of my friends and i had to go through last year.
i worry about all of my friends every day.
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[27 Oct 2006|05:28am] |
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music |
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johnny cash - hurt |
] |
last night we hit some weather and we pulled off the highway in cheyenne, wyoming. almost one year to the day i'm back in someplace that has a lot of horrible memories. the stickup stayed in boudler last night and they were able to come to cheyenne to meet up with us and we've been hanging out all day today. it's nice to put some memories behind me and build some new ones for this place.
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[26 Oct 2006|09:03am] |
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music |
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underoath - moving for the sake of motion |
] |
right now we're driving from boulder, co to salt lake city, ut, and have a lot on my mind. a lot has happened over the last year. some good things, some bad. some things still haven't changed, and some are really different. i feel like i've let some people down, and that i've surprised some people. i still can't figure out where it is that i'm going right now, and i think that for the first time in months that i may be okay with that. i know where i have been, and i know where i am... i guess that's all that i can ask for at this point in my life. i guess, more than anything, i desperately want to look in the mirror and be 100% happy with what i see looking back at me. i said something the other night that really put some things into perspective for me and i didn't really think about it until well after i had said it. i have nothing to live for at home anymore, and i have nothing to lose on the road. sometimes i feel like i'm running from problems and feelings. by being out here it can be easier to avoid those kinds of things. other times i feel like those same problems and feelings are weighing down on me with all the force in the world.
i'm sorry... i wish i was happier.
oh my god... i hate the me that i've become.
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| fall 2006, the end |
[07 Oct 2006|06:39pm] |
| [ |
music |
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elliott - drive onto me |
] |
last night we played our last show and now today i'm sore, i'm far more out of shape than i realized. our set wasn't as big of a disaster as i thought it was going to be... hell, i even had fun.
in other news, if you haven't heard, it's october! why is that important? one reason: baseball playoffs! it's been nice to have some time off at home because all i've been doing is watching baseball for, on average, 10 hours a day. i honestly don't have anything better to do with my time, especially since my laptop has been in the shop getting fixed since the day i got home.
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[09 Sep 2006|06:54pm] |
i haven't been keeping in touch with people lately and i kind of feel bad about it. i guess that i've been spending a lot of time alone.
grand rapids, michigan isn't really all that grand. i haven't been here in about three years and it's just like i remember it; bland.
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[28 Aug 2006|12:46am] |
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music |
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the turn it ups - add your style to the pile |
] |
OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!
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[03 Jul 2006|07:07pm] |
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music |
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man alive - till somebody screams |
] |
we're in new mexico today, and it's been the hottest day of the tour so far. i have a bit of a sun burn because i forgot to put sun screen on today, and it kinda sucks. tomorrow: phoenix. may god have mercy on us all. the following is a letter to anyone who plans on attending any warped tour date that i'm on:
dear redarded kids,
the next time that you see me pushing a huge roadcase, move out of my fucking way and don't be surprised when i yell at you and hit you with the case. don't be surprised at how fucking hot the case is, i wear gloves for a reason. also, the case won't disappear when you walk into it... i'm just going to hurt you.
sincerely, kevin
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[27 Jun 2006|03:25pm] |
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music |
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underoath - casting such a thin shadow |
] |
four straight days of rain starts to bum you out, no matter how hard you try to be positive about things.
today we're in raleigh, north carolina and the dudes from sullivan are here hanging out. it was a very pleasant surprise for me to look over and see tyson, zach and phil standing on the side of the stage during our set, it pretty much made my day. now i'm just waiting for a shower to free up so i can try and feel clean for the rest of the day since i'm done so early today.
last night we stopped at walmart and i bought a bunch of neat stuff: a baseball glove, a package of no show socks, a case of water, advil (the 25% more bonus pack), a 24 piece silverware set, honey nut cheerios, a pint of milk, bbq chips, tropicana orange juice (without pulp), 2 packages of m&m's, a box of neutri-grain bars, and some microwaveable chef boyardee things. all in all i spent about $80. the two things that i'm excited the most about are the baseball glove and the silverware. this' the first glove that i've bought in 17 years or so. i don't want it to replace my glove (which my sister is using), but i wanted something to play catch with. as for the silverware, it's pretty nice and it was only $15, so i figured what the hell, why not buy it and not use plastic forks and knives for the summer.
tomorrow we're in atlanta. everyone has told me that more people pass out in atlanta than anywhere else. after that we have a day off for me to let my aching body rest.
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[26 Jun 2006|11:23am] |
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music |
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hip hop on the radio and bus generators |
] |
i've lost weight, and somehow managed to get a bit of a tan... or maybe its dirt that won't come off? i've also got a lot of cuts and bruises. i also walk a million miles a day, no joke. i've been feeling kind of lonely over the last few days.
i think i'm going to go to bed early tonight.
only forty some odd days left to go...
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[07 Jun 2006|10:41pm] |
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music |
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lifetime - irony is for suckers |
] |
today i got a (much needed) new cell phone and i'm pretty pleased with it thus far. i've already got refused as my default ring tone. i also got a (much needed) haircut today. i no longer look like a hippy, i look like a respectable member of society now. also, i keep getting mail these days, and its not all bills which is odd. 3 bills, 2 letters and 1 package. that's my track record for the last 3 weeks. bill reminded me that i got carly mail while i was gone... carly mail is fun and exciting!
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[06 Jun 2006|09:16pm] |
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music |
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the new amsterdams - hanging on for hope |
] |
today has been one of the greatest experiences of my life.
yesterday after having a couple of days off we traveled from melbourne to brisbane which was just a two hour plane ride. when we got into brisbane we drove out to lone pine koala sanctuary, where i actually got to hold and pet a koala! it was honestly like holding a big, living teddy bear. i’m not necessarily a huge animal person, but my heart melted when i looked into “hazel’s” eyes; she was a princess… an adorable teddy bear princess. after a few pictures and a group shot, it was time to go play with the kangaroos! the last time the guys were here, they got to do this and i heard many stories but i really didn’t know what to expect. when we got to where they are kept, to my amazement, was a huge field filled with kangaroos. i was able to walk right up to them hang out, hand feed them, and pet them. there were also some awesome ducks that kept following us around and seemed to really enjoy the kangaroo food. after an hour or so we went to the show, which was in the basement of a hilton hotel… we were also comped rooms to the hotel. i’ve never stayed anywhere nicer before. it was one of the best sleeps i’ve ever had. i also concluded that i really do need to get myself a new bed.
this morning we drove from brisbane to our apartment in gold coast, which is right on the beach and our balcony overlooks the ocean. after a short stay we drove out to byron bay, where before the show we took a trip to the lighthouse, which is the most easterly point in australia. i have never see anything more beautiful or breathtaking before. the air was so fresh and clean, the water hitting the rocks and the natural beauty of it all was overwhelming. we walked all along a path and ended up on the beach just as the sun was setting and the tide was coming in. i was able to look out to the ocean and think about a lot of things in my life, and truly reflect on myself, and what i have been doing. i don’t think i really realized how tired i had let myself become, or how unhappy i really was. while watching the sun set behind the plush green hills of the australian skyline (which took less than a minute) i felt at peace with myself. i felt clean. i felt whole again. today was truly a soul cleansing experience. i feel as if i can take on any problem in my life right now head on. i’m no longer tired or burnt out; i am rejuvenated.
this tour… check that, this vacation has helped me unwind, refocus, and relax. i haven’t had to worry about one thing at all on this whole trip. i also haven’t felt any stress at all this whole time. i’ve been able to be myself and just hang out with my closest friends, enjoying everyone’s company. i don’t know if they understand how much i needed this, or how grateful that i am to have the opportunity to come along on such an amazing trip. i do get bummed out while on the road, and i wish i didn’t but it happens to all of us. however, i think that this’ the first time that i haven’t felt home sick or any desire to go home. i truly believe that this is where i belong… this is paradise on earth; if i could sever every tie and burn every bridge that i have at home, i would. i have fallen in love all over again, but this time with a place.
as i type this sitting out on our balcony and think about my day while overlooking the beach, i close my eyes and hear the sweet sounds of crashing waves, and i can’t help but feel truly happy. i feel as though all the weight on my shoulders has been lifted… as though i no longer have any burdens. i wish that everyone could experience what i have over the last twenty-four hours, because i believe that we’d all be a lot happier with ourselves. i guess the trick is to take something away from an experience like this, and i can say that i have. tonight i think i will sleep very well.
goodnight.
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[02 Jun 2006|10:29pm] |
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music |
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jimmy eat world - just watch the fireworks |
] |
we haven't had internet for a few days now and i have so much to say... unfortunatly, the hotel that we're staying at doesn't have wifi and i've got a rather lenghty entry all typed up on my computer. i don't want to give too much away, so all i'll say is that i feel alive again.
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[26 May 2006|10:18pm] |
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music |
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counting crows - a murder of one |
] |
thanks to carly, my journal is turning into nothing but surveys...
Name: kevin
Sex: male.
Siblings: kathryn.
Eye color: devil.
Shoe Size: 10
Height: 5'7"
Innie or Outie: innie.
Righty or lefty: right handed.
Can you make a dollar in change right now? i am a dollar.
Do you have a b/f or g/f?: yes, she just doesn't know it yet.
Best place to go for a date: i don't really know... i'm kinda lame in that department.
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FAVOURITES...
Kind of pants: i don't really understand fashion, nor do i care.
Number: 2
Animal: penguin or koala.
Drink: knob creek, neat.
Sport: baseball.
Month: july.
Juice: apple.
Breakfast: bacon and eggs.
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HAVE YOU EVER...
Given anyone a bath: no.
Made yourself throw-up? no, i hate throwing up more than anything.
Gone skinny dipping: no.
Eaten a dog? not yet...
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: yes.
Loved someone so much it made you cry?: yea, i'm a sissy.
Broken a bone: ish.
Played truth or dare: yes.
Been on a plane: five in the last month alone.
Came close to dying: many times.
Been in a sauna: yeah, the norva rules!
Been in a hot tub: see above.
Swam in the ocean: yeah, with some sweet dudes while in pei.
Fallen asleep in school: on a daily basis.
Ran away: no.
Broken someone's heart: yeah, i'm an asshole.
Cried when someone died: yeah.
Cried in school: no.
Fell off your chair: probably.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: yes.
Saved MSN conversations: i don't know how... fuck msn.
Saved e-mails: yeah, some are worth saving.
Made out with JUST a friend?: no.
Used someone: once... i told this girl she was a rebound, and she hated my guts... years later we talked again and i think she respected the fact that i never took advantage of her or anything.
Been Cheated on: oh yes.
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WHAT IS...
Your good luck charm: myself.
New fav. song: say anything - admit it!!
What's your room like: too small, filled with lots of crap that i need to get rid of and half covered with wall paper.
What is beside you? a bag of "original" doritos and shane.
Last thing you ate? some of those afformentioned doritos.
What kind of shampoo do you use? herbal essences, fruit sensations.
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EVER HAD...
Chicken pox: yes.
Sore Throat: yeah.
Stitches: yuh huh.
Broken nose: no.
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DO YOU...
Believe in love at first sight: yes.
Like picnics? yeah, they're fun.
Like school: no, not really.
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QUESTION...
Who was the last person that called you: i don't know?
Who was the last person you slow danced with: i have no idea at all. it's been a while.
Who makes you smile: my friends.
Who knows you the best: a few people do, and they know who they are.
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WHO...
Did you last yell at: some douche bag kid.
Is the last person you watched a movie with: the 'stein, last night.
Told you they loved you: i can't remember.
Who is the last person you saw: shane... he's to my left.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you like filling these out: sometimes they're fun.
Do you like yourself? sometimes i do.
Do you get along with your family: no, not really.
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ARE YOU...
Obsessive? i've been told that i am.
Compulsive? i've been told that i am.
Suicidal? not at all.
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FINAL QUESTIONS...
What are you listening to right now? at the drive-in.
What did you do yesterday: traveled all day from perth to adelaide.
Hated someone in your family: no, not really.
Gotten any awards? yeah, i'm special.
What car/truck do you wish to have: a hibrid car, or a jetta.
Good driver? i've been told that i'm good.
Good Singer? eh... i'm alright i guess.
Have a lava lamp: no, i'm not a goddamn hippy.
How many remote controls are in your house? i have 3 in my room and 1 in the basement. that's all i need to know.
Are you double jointed: no.
When you last showered: this morning.
Scary or Funny Movies: funny.
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla.
Rootbeer or Dr.Pepper: root beer.
Summer or winter: summer.
Silver or Gold: silver.
Diamond or pearl: diamonds (at heart i'm a thug).
Coffee or tea: tea, coffee is too harsh for my stomach most of the time.
Phone or in person: in person.
Are you oldest, middle, youngest: oldest.
Indoor or outdoor: i spend too much time indoors.
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TODAY DID YOU...
Eat something: yes.
Bought something: no.
Get sick: no.
Sing: yes.
Talked to an ex: i emailed one today.
Miss someone: yes, all the time.
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LAST PERSON WHO...
You slept with in bed with: josh.
Saw/heard you cry: probably nicole.
Made you cry: see above.
Went to the movies with: the 'stein.
You went to the mall with: richard?
Said "I Love You" and meant it: i don't know?
Ever been in a fight with your pet: i don't have any pets.
Been to Vegas? viva las vegas!
Been to Mexico: no.
Been to Canada: at least 3 months of the year.
Been to Europe: fuck europe.
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RANDOM
Do you have a crush on someone: yeah, probably.
What book are you reading now: douglas coupland's "jpod"
Best feeling in the world: watching the one you love sleep.
Future kids' names: i like the jame jamie a lot.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no.
What's under your bed: normally my computer, boxes of pictures, some books and yearbooks.
Favorite sports to watch: baseball.
Favorite Location: toronto.
Piercing/Tattoo: none yet... i want to leave australia with one.
What is your favorite food: pizza or chicken fingers.
Who do you really hate? no one really.
Do you have a job: yes.
Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with: yeah.
Have you ever cried: yes.
Are you lonely right now: yeah.
Song that's stuck in your head right now: every say anything song.
Have you ever gotten beat up? does hockey count?
Have you ever been on radio/TV: yes.
Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yeah, i'm fucking hardcore.
Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed you: yes, i got used to it.
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RANDOM
what color is your underwear right now? off white with kiwi's on it.
Whats the first things you notice about the opposite sex? smile and eyes.
Do you smoke? no.
Ever get so drunk you dont remember?: sometimes.
Hair color? black / brown.
Are you too shy to ask someone out?: yeah.
Hugs or Kisses?: hugs.
Aim? MSN?: aim... fuck msn.
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? butter.
dogs or cats? cats.
Have you ever fired a gun? no.
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car? not at all.
How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
Do you think an ex misses you: yes... i don't really know?
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[26 May 2006|04:14pm] |
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music |
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death cab for cutie - crooked teeth |
] |
a while ago i saw some people do this thing on their livejournals. i got bored on one of our flights and decided to do it too. in one way or another all of these records have inspired or done something for me.
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[21 May 2006|10:06am] |
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music |
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the beatles - another girl |
] |
WHAT IS YOUR:
-> ringtone: the default ringer on my phone.
-> middle name: lawrence.
-> sign: aquarius.
-> pets name: none.
WHAT COLOR:
-> is your hair: dark brown / black.
-> are your eyes: brown / green / yellow.
-> are your nails: normal.
-> are your socks: black.
-> is your shirt: kelly green.
RIGHT NOW:
-> the closest thing to your left hand: my ipod.
-> what's in your pockets? change, and my passport.
-> are you thirsty: nope, i just had some juice.
-> what are you sitting on: a chair.
-> where are you: my hotel in room.
-> is the light on: no, the curtains are open.
-> song listening to: the beatles - she came in through the bathroom window.
ONE OR THE OTHER:
-> cookies or candy: cookies.
-> kiss or hug: hugs.
-> school or work: work.
-> apple or banana: apples.
-> shower or bath: shower... baths are disgusting.
-> cingular or verizon: t-mobile.
-> ps2 or xbox: ps2.
-> whipped cream or cherries: cherries.
FAVORITE:
-> animal: penguin
-> coin: canadian quarters because there's lots of neat designs.
-> pokemon: the car that i saw the other night that looked like the little yellow one.
-> clothes brand: fruit of the loom, or american apparel.
RANDOM:
-> what do you wish you were doing right now: walking around, enjoying my 'vacation'.
-> What was the last thing you bought: a death cab for cutie 7".
-> are you wearing a belt: yes.
-> what was the last thing you did: walk to mcdonalds to get breakfast.
LAST
-> drink: orange juice.
-> song you played: refused - the shape of punk to come.
-> meal: breakfast.
-> words you said: waking up with the clown.
-> word typed: clown.
-> place you went: tokyo.
-> person you thought about: sigh.
-> dollar you spent: 650 yen.
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
i need to shower.
2. When is the next time you will have sex?
i often wonder that myself.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?
floor.
4. Favorite planet?
jupiter.
5. Who is the 4th person on your received call list on your mobile?
i don't know... my phone's not on. i'll guess that its richard.
6. What'd the last text message you received say?
again, i don't know... just touch it?
7. What shirt are you wearing?
my "little labowski urban achiever" shirt.
8. Do you "label" yourself?
i'm fucking sweet!
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
globe.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
depends... at night i like a dark room, during the day i like bright.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey?
oh, carly? she's alright i guess... kinda lame, but i've come to accept that.
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
drunk sleeping i think?
13. What did your last text message you sent say?
...just touch it?
15. Where is your letter box?
we have two at my house, one at the front door and one at the side door.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
fuck!
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
my dad.
18. What food are you dying to eat right now?
lougano's pizza... i think that's because i'm around asian people all the time right now.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
none.
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
two or three.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
one.
22. Your worst enemy?
myself.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
yeah, i'll talk to you in a bit.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you do?
a million dollars. i don't care much for flying, even though i've done a lot of it this year.
26. Do you like someone?
yeah, i guess i do.
28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet for them?
yeah, i probably would.
29. If you could punch one person in the face who's in your life right now, who would it be?
carly, just because i think she's got one up on me right now.
30. What is the closest object to your left foot?
socks.
31. What are you going to do now?
probably shower.
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| japan! |
[20 May 2006|09:50am] |
| [ |
music |
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the beatles - she said she said |
] |
i can now say that i have traveled to the other side of the world and seen a baseball game there! last night we all went to see the tokyo yakult swallows play the fukuoka softbank hawks. it was awesome, and so different from a game back home. they have all these crazy chants and songs and stuff, and when your team scores a run all the fans put up their umbrellas (it rains a lot here) and do a 'dance' with them, its actually kind of cool. the game ended up by getting rained out at the end of the 8th inning and the eagles won. i was hoping to get a hat, but the two stands that i went to were all sold out. none the less, going to this game is probably one of the coolest things that i will get to do on this entire trip (i only say that because of my love for baseball). other than than the baseball game, josh, neil and i woke up to the clown and wandered around the city for the better part of the day. with the help of a new friend i was able to find a couple of gifts for people and that helped make my day.
needless to say, i'm having an amazing time on this tour... to be honest, it hasn't really felt like a tour. tonight's our first show, but then we have yet another day off here in tokyo. after that it's off to osaka on a bullet train (which i'm really excited for) to play another show. the day after that we hop on a plane bound for australia. all the guys say that australia is their favourite place in the world, and that its very much like california. this excites me because i love california. i think that this trip will really help me clear my head and really relax. i've needed this for a long time and it feels great.
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[09 May 2006|08:50pm] |
| [ |
music |
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say anything - admit it! |
] |
Time starting: 9:40
1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water? start the water first.
2.) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle? nope.
3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence commercial? not at all.
4.) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? yes?.
5.) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? no.
6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? yeah, i used to if i was really late for work
7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? yes, and it sucks.
8.) How old do you look? 23ish.
9.) How old do you act?: 23ish.
11.) Have you recently become a member of anything? not that i can think of
12.) What are your plans for the weekend? i want to go see say anything on saturday, but other than that i've got nothing planned.
13.) Do you kiss with your eyes opened or closed? closed... open is just creepy.
14.) Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? nope.
15.) Do you ever intentionally vomit after eating? no.
16.) If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? a pirate.
17.) Have you ever been called a bitch? probably.
18) Have you ever been called a whore? nope.
19). Have you ever smuggled something into America? nope.
20). Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive?: no.
21). Do you live in a city with a good sports team? i tell americans i live in toronto, so yes.
22. Have you ever finished off the popcorn? i don't understand.
23). How many people do you think would come to your funeral? at least 20.
24). How many of them would come just to make sure you're dead? 1, carly richardson.
25). Do you have more enemies or more friends? friends.
26.) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter? no.
27.) Can you fix your own car? i can do a few things.
28.) Have you ever turned someone down for a date? yes.
29.) Are you smarter than your friends? nah, i've got some really smart friends.
30.) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends? nope.
31.) Have you ever been to jail?: no.
32.) Should you have? i'm sure i should have been to jail by now.
33) Do you like the smell of beer? sometimes.
34.) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream? yes.
35.) Have you ever given to charity? yes.
36.) Would you kill a dog for $1000? no.
37.) Do you sometimes get depressed? yes.
38.) Do you live with your parents? yes.
39.) Do you have plans for your future? yes.
TWO'S OF EVERY KIND
Two Names You Go By Other Than Your Real Name:
1. k$ (pronounced "k-money").
2. milhouse.
Two Things That Scare You:
1. the future.
2. being alone.
Two of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. oxygen.
2. food.
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. army green polo shirt.
2. glasses.
Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. someone who understands and supports me
2. to not destroy it.
Two Truths:
1. i feel lonely right now.
2.
Two Things that Appeal to You In a Guy/Girl:
1. sense of humour.
2. personality.
Two of Your Favourite Hobbies:
1. baseball.
2. playing guitar.
Two Things You Want Badly:
1. to make sense of who i am and what i'm doing with my life right now.
2. to be truly happy.
Two Places You Want to go on Vacation:
1. costa mesa, ca
2. phoenix, az
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. visit japan.
2. release a 7" vinyl.
Two People You Are Thinking About Now:
1. nicole.
2. my dad.
Two Stores You Shop At:
1. wal mart.
2. hmv.
Two people I haven't talked to in a while:
1. paul.
2. alex.
Two favorite places:
1. toronto
2. southern california
Two Reasons you're doing this survey:
1. i felt like making a live journal entry
2. it seemed like a good idea at the time
Time Finished: 3:43
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[26 Apr 2006|11:32pm] |
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music |
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death cab for cutie - transatlanticism |
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amsterdam is the safest city on the planet. i think that montreal is a close second.
i want to go home, now. i can't take europe for another day.
"i need you so much closer... so come on, come on."
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